The Sorcerer's Apprentice

The Sorcerer's Apprentice
Peakviewing
April 12, 2002
Fantasy
DVD
D+

Loosely based on Goethe, this plays like a weak Harry Potter rip-off, with clashing accents (British, South African, etc.).  David Lister directed.

Merlin: The Return

Merlin: The Return 
Allumination
22 December 2000
Fantasy, Comedy
DVD
C-

The general concept isn't bad and I could see this working with better writing and/or direction.  (Paul Matthews did both.)

The Magic Sword

The Magic Sword AKA St. George and the Dragon, St. George and the Seven Curses, and The Seven Curses of Lodac
United Artists
April 15, 1962
Fantasy
DVD
C-

This is campy enough (with an opening sequence that includes a sorceress, a chimp, and conjoined twins) that I'm not surprised that MST3K did an episode for it, although without commentary I didn't enjoy this as much as Gordon's Village of the Giants.

Note that this is on a "Fantasy Collection," so that's why it's showing up in the F's.

The Fantasticks

The Fantasticks
United Artists
Limited release in 1995, full release September 22, 2000
Musical
DVD
C

I was so on the fence about this adaptation of the very long-running stageplay (which I've never seen) that I watched until the mid-point, I guess the end of Act I.  I think Grey is very good and the sets are impressive but the movie never quite clicked with me.  Tom Jones co-wrote, and Michael Ritchie directed, about twenty-six years after the very different Downhill Racer.

Fantastic Voyage

Fantastic Voyage
20th Century Fox
August 24, 1966
Sci-Fi
DVD
C-

Mildly unintentionally funny, like the scene where scientists start smoking, or all those little golf-carts that they get around in.  Richard Fleischer directed, the year before he did Doctor Doolittle.

Fantastic Four

Fantastic Four
20th Century Fox
August 7, 2015
Action, Sci-Fi
DVD
D+

I had trouble telling the brunet men apart, although presumably that becomes easier after their transformations.  Josh Trank and Stephen E. Rivkin co-directed.

Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald

Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald
Warner Bros.
16 November 2018
Fantasy
DVD
D+

Although I was and to some degree still am a Harry Potter fan, I don't think I made it to even the half-hour mark of the first Fantastic Beasts movie on DVD, and this time I gave up fifteen minutes in.  I just don't find the characters or situations interesting, although the sets, costumes, etc., are impressive.  David Yates directed and Rowling wrote the screenplay.

This is the sixth Johnny Depp movie I've rejected (he plays Grindelwald), although I have accepted two.

Fanny and Alexander

Fanny and Alexander
Gaumont
17 December 1982
Historical Drama
DVD
C-

The title characters grow up in a theatrical family.  Ingmar Bergman wrote and directed.

Fanaa AKA Destroyed

Fanaa AKA Destroyed
Yash Raj Films
26 May 2006
Romance
DVD
C-

A blind woman and a tour guide meet and begin a romance.  Kunal Kohli directed.

The Family Stone

The Family Stone
20th Century Fox
December 16, 2005
Comedy
DVD
C-

Thomas Bezucha wrote and directed this tale of a man bringing his unlikable girlfriend home to meet his large family.

The sixth hundred movies on this blog

Yep, we're still at 12% success rate, 72 out of 600 movies getting a C+ or higher.

There's still one F- and two Fs, but now eleven rather than ten F+s.  The D-s increased from 40 to 46, the Ds from 66 to 82, and the D+s from 103 to 131.  The C-s grew from 152 to 175 and Cs from 61 to 75.  The B-s continued that strange trend from last time of outnumbering the C+s, this time 30 vs. 23 rather than 24 vs. 20.  B's more modestly moved from 13 to 15, and there are still just three B+s.  However, there is finally an A- on this blog.

The decade breakdown has some surprises as well, now six rather than four 1920s movies, and 24 rather than 20 '30s movies.  There are fewer '40s movies than '30s, now 22 (rather than 21 last time), but the '50s were able to grow from 34 to 38, still surpassing the '60s, which have 31 (as opposed to 25 last time).  The '80s didn't budge much, just from 49 to 51, while the '90s grew from 72 to 88.  The 2000s still reign supreme, with 161 instead of 133.  And, yes, the 2010s are runners-up, but increasing from 105 to an impressive 141.  And, yeah, still that one lone 2020s movie.

"Based on a book" still applies to over a quarter of the movies, now 158 of them.  And Warner Bros. now has 73 movies.

What do I expect for the next hundred movies?  Well, we'll likely get through F but maybe not G.  The quality of the movies will probably remain about the same.

The Family Man

The Family Man
Universal
December 22, 2000
Dramedy
DVD
D+

I might've gone with a C- but the movie is a little racist.  Brett Ratner directed.

This is the sixth Nicolas Cage movie I've rejected and almost definitely not the last.

A Family Man

A Family Man 
Vertical Entertainment
July 28, 2017
Drama
DVD
D

A headhunter is unpleasant at work and home.  Mark Williams directed.

War Babies

War Babies
Educational Film Exchanges (!)
September 18, 1932
War Comedy?
DVD
D+

I don't know what to say.  I knew of the Baby Burlesks series of shorts that preschool-age Shirley did and had seen a bit of one (Polly Tix I believe) in a documentary on censorship, but this is even weirder and more twisted than you'd imagine.  Still, I might go with a C- if the dialogue weren't almost incomprehensible.  Nine minutes with some jaw-dropping imagery.  (And, yes, definitely an odd inclusion for a "Family Classics" collection.)

Charles Lamont, later of the Ma & Pa Kettle series, directed.

The Fatal Glass of Beer

The Fatal Glass of Beer
Paramount
March 3, 1933
Comedy
DVD
B-

An uneven eighteen minutes of Fieldsian absurdity, e.g. the "milk the elk" sequence.  I like the twists on the cliches of melodrama but found the short surprisingly slow-moving.  Note that Prohibition wouldn't be officially repealed until December 5th of that year.  Clyde Bruckman, of Keaton's The General, directed.

The Lost World (1925)

The Lost World (1925)
First National Pictures
February 2, 1925
Sci-Fi
DVD
C

Although I'm not a silent-movie fan, I ended up watching two-thirds of the 68 minutes (in this edition), because I liked the sense of humor and was somewhat invested in the human characters, especially Bessie Love as Paula White.  But the too-long dinosaur battles, although very well done for their time, and the gratuitous blackface character (with "dialect" title cards), made me tune out.  This is based on the novel by Arthur Conan Doyle and directed by Harry O. Hoyt.

The Iron Mask

The Iron Mask
United Artists
February 21, 1929 (this version from 1952)
Historical Drama, Action
DVD
C-

Reissuing of the semi-silent movie, with narration by Junior.  The one-hundredth historical drama on this blog, it's a spin-off of the Musketeers novels by Dumas, and directed by Allan Dwan.  This is on a "Family Classics" DVD (which is why it's popping up in the F's), although I don't see what's particularly "family" about the four movies in the collection.

Failure to Launch

Failure to Launch
Paramount
March 10, 2006
Romcom
DVD
D+

Unappealing premise and unappealing leads, although Kathy Bates has good comic timing.  Tom Dey directed.

Facing the Giants

Facing the Giants
Samuel Goldwyn Films
September 29, 2006
Sports Drama
DVD
D

A high school football coach is a loser in every imaginable category, which might've worked as a Kevin James comedy.  Alex Kendrick directed and co-wrote with his brother Stephen.  (They would be responsible for Courageous five years later.)

Faces Places AKA Visages Villages

Faces Places AKA Visages Villages
Le Pacte
28 June 2017
Documentary
DVD
B-

A meandering but amiable true story of and by a pair of French photographers, one a young man (JR), the other an old woman (Agnès Varda), who take giant pictures across the country and the countryside, while becoming close friends.

Face/Off

Face/Off
Paramount
June 27, 1997
Action
DVD
D

Travolta is the FBI agent, Cage* is the creepy terrorist, Cho and others make me wish they were in another movie.  John Woo directed.

*This is the fifth but probably not last of his movies I've rejected for this blog.

Eyeborgs

Eyeborgs 
Crimson Wolf
Direct to DVD July 6, 2010
Sci-Fi
DVD
C

This is another movie I watched for 20 minutes rather than 15, because it was definitely better than I expected with that title, although still not something I wanted to stick with.  It seems hip to its own silliness, and certainly the concept of surveillance bots hasn't dated in the past decade or so.  I'd recommend it if you're into this sort of thing.  Richard Clabaugh directed and co-wrote with his wife Fran.

Eye of the Needle

Eye of the Needle
United Artists
July 24, 1981
War Drama
DVD
D

Laughably bad but at least there's some nice scenery.  Based on the Ken Follett novel and directed by Richard Marquand.

Eye in the Sky

Eye in the Sky
Entertainment One
8 April 2016
Action
DVD
D

Sadly, nothing to do with the Alan Parson Project.  Gavin Hood directed a couple years before Ender's Game.

Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close

Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close
Warner Bros.
December 25, 2011
Drama
DVD
D

An unlikable little boy loses his lying father to 9/11.  This is based on the Jonathan Safran Foer novel and directed by Stephen Daldry.

The Extra Man

The Extra Man
Magnolia Pictures
July 30, 2010
Comedy
DVD
D+

Based on the Jonathan Ames novel of the same title, this is never as witty as it thinks it is.  Ames co-wrote the screenplay, with co-directors Shari Springer Bergman and Robert Pulcini, who collaborated on American Splendor, which I quite liked, go figure.

The Express: The Ernie Davis Story

The Express: The Ernie Davis Story
Universal
October 10, 2008
Historical Drama, Sports Drama
DVD
C

I watched twenty minutes of this, which is a lot for me and a sports drama, since I liked the scenes of Ernie growing up as a kid and dealing with prejudice.  But once they switched to his college years, and more football, I lost interest.  Gary Fleder directed, seven years after the much worse Don't Say a Word.  This movie is based on the Charles Leavitt book Ernie Davis: The Elmira Express.

Experimenter

Experimenter 
Magnolia Pictures
October 16, 2015
Historical Drama
DVD
C-

Well-made telling of a story I don't want to hear: the background to the famous fake electric-shock experiment of 1961.  Michael Almereyda wrote and directed.

Expendables 2

Expendables 2
Lionsgate
August 17, 2012
Action
DVD
D

Mostly notable for having a whole bunch of action stars, e.g. at one point Stallone calls Schwarzenegger "Big Boy."  I've tagged the ones I recognized in the first quarter hour.  Simon West directed.

The Exorcist

The Exorcist
Warner Bros.
December 26, 1973
Drama
DVD
D+

Apparently this also turns into a horror film after I tuned out, but it seemed to be about a priest who goes on an archaeology dig and an actress who questions her character's motivation.  (Burstyn presumably was more cooperative than her character.)  I didn't even see Linda Blair in the first quarter hour.  William Friedkin directed, three years after The Boys in the Band.  William Peter Blatty adapted his own novel.

The Exorcism of Emily Rose

The Exorcism of Emily Rose
Screen Gems
September 9, 2005
Crime Drama
DVD
D

I guess this turns into a horror movie at some point, but it's more like a slow-moving crime drama for the first quarter hour.  Scott Derrickson directed and co-wrote.

Executive Action

Executive Action
National General Pictures
November 7, 1973
Historical Drama
DVD
D+

Since I couldn't get past the idea that pragmatic, cynical JFK would be perceived as a flaming radical, I couldn't get into the conspiracy theory stuff, although it was amusing to see Grandpa Walton as the audience surrogate asking questions.  David Miller directed and Dalton Trumbo co-wrote.

The Ex

The Ex 
MGM
May 11, 2007
Comedy
DVD
D+

This unfunny comedy is bumped up from a D or D- because I was somewhat entertained seeing who else's talents would be wasted, although I didn't even make it up to Jason Bateman.  (I tagged the ones I saw.)  Jesse Peretz directed.

Evita

Evita
Buena Vista AKA Disney
December 25, 1996
Historical Drama, Musical
DVD
D

I remember being a kid mocking the commercials for the overwrought musical.  And, sure enough, the long-delayed screen adaptation is just as overwrought.  Oliver Stone co-wrote the adaptation with director Alan Parker.

Eve's Bayou

Eve's Bayou
Trimark
November 7, 1997
Historical Drama
DVD
D+

The movie starts out with the narrator saying that she killed her father when she was 10, so already I knew I wasn't going to like this movie.  The 1960s period details, like the music, bump this up though.  Kasi Lemmons wrote and directed.

Everything, Everything

Everything, Everything
Warner Bros.
May 19, 2017
Drama, Romance
DVD
B-

I liked the book, written by Nicola Yoon, which I read a couple years ago, and this feels like a faithful adaptation, even if the character of Rosa is much more of a cipher.  (You can tell this from the deleted scenes.)  You definitely have to take a leap of willing suspension of disbelief to enjoy this, but I thought the romance was sweet and the design elements (including the visualizations of Maddy's architectural models) well done.  Anika Noni Rose, who was the voice of Tiana in The Princess and the Frog, plays the controlling mother in this modern retelling of Rapunzel.  Stella Meghie directed.

Everybody Knows AKA Todos lo saben

Everybody Knows AKA Todos lo saben
Focus Features
14 September 2018
Drama
DVD
C-

I guess this turns from a mild family drama to a crime drama some point after I tuned out.  Asghar Farhadi wrote and directed.

Every Which Way But Loose

Every Which Way But Loose
Warner Bros.
December 20, 1978
Action, Comedy
DVD
D+

Too many fight scenes for my taste, but bumped up from a D for the theme song.  James Fargo directed.

Every Day [2010]

Every Day [2010]
Image Entertainment
April 24, 2010
Dramedy
DVD
D

I disliked all the characters, especially the protagonist.  (And this may sound shallow, but Helen Hunt looked terrible for 47!  I thought she was much older than the bland actor playing her husband, but it's really only four years.)  Richard Levine wrote and directed.

Ever After

Ever After

Fox Family Films

July 31, 1998

Fantasy

DVD
C

Director Andy Tennant co-wrote this sort of Cinderella story, which I quite liked at the time but couldn't get into this time.

Event Horizon

Event Horizon
Paramount
August 15, 1997
Sci-Fi
DVD
D-

Laughably unsubtle (e.g. a man holds a picture of a woman, says, "I miss you, Claire," and then puts the picture back with dozens of others), and full of stock characters.  Paul W.S. Anderson directed.

Evening

Evening
Focus Features
June 29, 2007
Drama
DVD
D

Two minutes in I exclaimed, "God, this is so frickin' genteel!"  Then I MST3Ked the fact that no one looked period-appropriate in the flashbacks (the '50s according to Wikipedia, but I barely would've bought the '80s) and how much I disliked every character.  Still, the coastal Rhode Island scenery almost survives the blandifying.  Based on the Susan Minot novel and directed by Lajos Koltai.

Even the Rain AKA También la lluvia

Even the Rain AKA También la lluvia
Morena Films etc.
5 January 2011
Drama
DVD
B-

Icíar Bollaín directed this film with its film within, based on colonial history, so that there are layers and ambiguities about the degrees to which a visiting film crew is helping or exploiting the locals in a movie about Christopher Columbus.  I found the resolution a bit too simple, although the questions raised remain.

Escape Plan 2: Hades

Escape Plan 2: Hades
Lionsgate
June 29, 2018 (US DVD/Blu-Ray/Video on Demand release after some overseas theatrical releases)
Action
DVD
D+

A movie so violent and chaotic that Stallone is the voice of reason.  Steven C. Miller directed.