All I See Is You

All I See Is You
Open Road Films
October 27, 2017
Drama
DVD
C-

Marc Forster directed and co-wrote this drama that kept feeling like it was going to turn into a horror movie.  Skimming through the summary online, it looks like it becomes a psychological drama after the Lively character regains her sight.

All About Us

All About Us
Faith Filmworks
August 4, 2007
Drama
DVD
C-

I guess this is sort of a sequel to All About You (2001), which I haven't seen, except that the couple in this movie made that movie, but they're not getting anywhere in Hollywood.  I found the first quarter hour slow-moving and a little depressing, although I could see how this might be a good movie with a better writer and/or director than Christine Swanson.

Alien from L.A.

She is the title character,
but never dressed like this.

Alien from L.A.
The Cannon Group
February 26, 1988
Sci-Fi, Comedy
DVD
C+

Another unexpected movie I sat through for this blog (#6 for those keeping track), this is likably cheesy and it's not surprising to find out that it got the MST3K treatment five years later.  Ireland is cast against type as a frumpy, squeaky-voiced nerd who's rejected by everyone, until she goes to "Africa" (that's as specific as the movie gets) because her father, who left a decade ago, fell down a bottomless pit.  She falls down the same hole but reaches the bottom, where "Atlantis" is.  (Not underwater like you always thought.)  There she is frequently kidnapped and rescued, including by a guy named Charmin'.  She and her father escape in a balloon, or was it all just a dream?  The movie can't make up its mind if it's influenced by Alice in Wonderland, The Wizard of Oz, or Jules Verne, but it's getting the "based on a book" tag anyway.  (The sequel is in fact called Journey to the Center of the Earth, and her father is named Arnold Saknussemm after Arne Saknussemm.)  Did I mention that Deep Roy (later of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory) plays a clown-made-up mob boss named Mambino?  Did I mention that the actress playing Ireland's aunt can't decide on an accent, and some but not all of the Atlanteans sound Australian?  Did I mention that my favorite line is the villainess's to her driver, "Take me to the outskirts of the city"?  (OK, that's more specific than Africa, but still.)

I have probably made this movie sound more fun than it is, and to be honest I was actually hoping for more cheese, especially given its era.  Still, it's a pleasant time-waster.  Albert Pyun directed, eight years before he was responsible (both writing and direction) for the very unpleasant Adrenalin: Fear the Rush.

Alien Covenant

Alien Covenant
20th Century Fox
May 19, 2017
Sci-Fi
DVD
D

I never watched any of the Alien series before (although I did read the MAD satire of the first movie) and I'm not inclined to see any more after fifteen minutes of this lackluster entry.  Ridley Scott of course directed.

Alice Through the Looking Glass (2016)

Alice Through the Looking Glass (2016)
Walt Disney Studios
May 27, 2016
Fantasy
DVD
C-

I never saw this before, partly because money was tight at the time and I didn't want to go to the movies much (other than Zootopia a lot, because that gave me courage and inspiration when I most needed them), and partly because I saw its predecessor and was unimpressed.  This wasn't bad, although what Alice being a ship captain has to do with Wonderland baffled me.  She did finally go through the mirror at close to the quarter-hour mark, but Duncan, as her mother, is the only recognizable (to me) face I can tag.  James Bobin directed.

Alice Doesn't Live Here Anymore

Alice Doesn't Live Here Anymore
Warner Bros.
December 9, 1974
Dramedy, Romance
DVD
B-

I grew up watching the Alice sitcom and knew that it was inspired by this movie, which I never watched until today.  It's very different from the TV show, and doesn't even get to Mel's (well, Mel & Ruby's) Diner until over halfway through, shortly before we meet the characters played by Kristofferson and Foster.  There's definitely humor but there are moments of sadness, anger, and even violence.  The studio-enforced "happy ending" (the penultimate scene) is a little contrived, but remember that the movie opens with a movie-like scene of Alice's childhood (a bit like a rose-tinted Wizard of Oz, only in Monterey rather than Kansas).  Burstyn plays the many moods of her character quite well, but there are some fun supporting performances, including Tayback and Ladd originating the characters of Mel and Flo.  (Ladd would end up as Belle, the middle waitress on the sitcom.)  Curtin's Vera is one of her typically loopy roles, although I still have soft spot for Beth Howland's take on the character.  Note that Alfred Lutter did play Tommy on the Alice pilot.

Easy Virtue (1928)

Easy Virtue (1928)

Gainsborough Pictures

5 March 1928

Drama

DVD
C-

I'm not big on silent films, mostly because my favorite thing about movies is spoken dialogue.  Still, this very early Hitchcock drama about a scandalous divorce wasn't bad in its first quarter hour.  This is based on a Noël Coward play (not technically a book, but certainly "literature").

The 39 Steps

The 39 Steps
Gaumont-British Picture Corporation
6 June 1935
Mystery
DVD
C

This is based on the John Buchan novel and I found it marginally more interesting than the other two Hitchcock movies so far, although I'm starting to suspect that Hitchcock didn't really come into his own until the '40s.  (And, yes, I know that this film is considered a classic.)  Also, it's the first movie on this blog I'm giving a "mystery" tag, since there actually was a mystery feel in the first quarter hour.

Sabotage

Sabotage AKA The Woman Alone
General Film Distributors (GFD)
2 December 1936
Drama
DVD
C-

This is based on the Joseph Conrad novel The Secret Agent and has a then-contemporary London setting.

Jamaica Inn

Jamaica Inn
Mayflower Productions
12 May 1939
Historical Drama
DVD
C-

This is one of four movies on an Alfred Hitchcock collection.  (Confusingly, the other Alfred Hitchcock collection at my library is filed under "Hitchcock" rather than "Alfred.")  The film is based on a Daphne Du Maurier novel, but the story, about Cornish smugglers in 1819, is much less interesting than Rebecca.  (As it turns out, I gave a C- to the 2015 BBC adaptation as well.)  The head smuggler's niece was 18-year-old Maureen O'Hara's first major role.

Alfie (2004)

Alfie (2004)
Paramount
November 5, 2004
Dramedy
DVD
D

First of all, I've never seen the original Michael Caine '60s version, so I'm not judging this as a remake.  Secondly, I knew the protagonist would be an unsympathetic character, not just sleeping around, but leading women on emotionally.  But I didn't know that we would have to endure Law not just narrating but speaking directly to the camera more than to his co-stars, to an extent that would embarrass Groucho.

Charles Shyer directed and co-wrote the update, and he had already done The Affair of the Necklace by this point.  Note that Krakowski's appearance here, as Dorie, predates her role as Jenna on 30 Rock, but that was all I could think about during her "sex in a limo" scene.

Alexandria... Why?

Alexandria... Why? AKA Iskanderija... lih?
Studio Unknown
February 1979 (Berlin International Film Festival)
Historical Drama
DVD
C-

I found the first quarter-hour both chaotic and uneventful, as the setting of Alexandria during World War II is established, with many characters.  This is a trilingual film, with not only Arabic but French and English.  Youssef Chahine directed and co-wrote, and it's somewhat autobiographical.  (The movie-struck youth is presumably his representative.)  Oddly enough, this is the first '70s movie on this blog.

Alexander the Great

Alexander the Great
United Artists
22 March 1956 (London premiere)
Historical Drama
DVD
D+

After the early scenes of Alexander as a baby, a very blond Richard Burton takes over the role.  Fredric March plays his father, Philip of Macedonia.  Robert Rossen wrote and directed.

Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day
Walt Disney
October 10, 2014
Children's, Comedy
DVD
B-

Well, I was not expecting this to be the first modern movie I'd like on this blog, but I found it a satisfying although not great family film,  Yes, it's a family film that mentions butts and penises and there's a scene with a trio of "Australian cowboy" strippers, but it is about the "super Coopers" realizing that as long as they have each other, they can get through the worst days.  Also, I like that the child actors were better than in many other movies I've seen.

Note that Van Dyke plays himself, and it's one of the likably dated things about the movie that parents are scandalized that he reads a book about "taking a dump" rather than "taking a jump" (inexplicable mass typo), when after all, Everyone Poops was published in Japan in 1977, and '93 in the West.

This is based on the much more wholesome 1972 Judith Viorst book, with a younger-than-12 protagonist.  Miguel Arteta directed.

The Ladykillers

The Ladykillers
Ealing Studios
8 December 1955
Comedy
DVD
C-

I again didn't care for or about the Guinness character, or anyone else, as this time he plays a thief (not a killer it seems).  Peter Sellers plays Harry.  MacKendrick had also directed The Man in the White Suit.

Captain's Paradise

Captain's Paradise
London Films
9 June 1953
Comedy
DVD
D+

I found this Guinness movie a little racist and definitely sexist.  I tuned out before Yvonne De Carlo showed up.  Anthony Kimmins directed.

The Man in the White Suit

The Man in the White Suit
Ealing Studios
10 August 1951
Comedy
DVD
C-

Again, I didn't care about the Guinness character, this time a chemist.  Yes, it was nice to see Joan Greenwood in a modern setting, but she wasn't given much to do in the first quarter hour.  Alexander Mackendrick directed.

The Lavender Hill Mob

The Lavender Hill Mob
Ealing Studios
28 June 1951
Comedy
DVD
C-

This is on a five-film "Alec Guinness" collection, but I'm omitting Kind Hearts and Coronets because I own it and reviewed it years ago (https://reviewingeverymovieiown.blogspot.com/2014/03/kind-hearts-and-coronets.html).  I didn't find this story of a dishonest bank transfer agent that interesting or funny, unlike KH & C.  Charles Crichton directed.

Albert: Up, Up and Away

Albert: Up, Up and Away
Studio Unknown
26 February 2015
Children's
DVD
D

A kid grows at a freakishly fast rate, which is good because he destroys a statue as a baby and has to make amends when "he grows up."  So when he looks like he's about eight, he wants to hang out with his best friend, playing pirates and pretending to kidnap girls, but then the town pressures him to become a balloonist, as a '50s-like teen hood bullies him by shutting him in a chicken coop.  Yeah, I think something got lost in the translation.

Karsten Kiilerich wrote and directed, and I think this is based on a book.

Alan Partridge

Alan Partridge 
StudioCanal
24 July 2013
Comedy
DVD
C-

I didn't find this funny, although it's not painfully unfunny.  Coogan plays the title character, a radio d.j.  Declan Lowney directed.

Air Force One

Air Force One
Columbia
July 25, 1997
Drama
DVD
C-

Harrison Ford proves to be a much better-looking and articulate president than Jerry Ford, but I never saw the plane or the movie get off the ground.  Wolfgang Petersen directed.

The Agony and the Ecstasy

The Agony and the Ecstasy
Fox
October 7, 1965
Historical Drama
DVD
C-

I realize that this movie is over two hours long, but the first twelve minutes are a lecture on art and the next three are the opening credits over marble-extraction (I think).  So I never actually saw Heston or Harrison.  This is based on the Irving Stone novel.  Carol Reed directed.

Afterschool

This may look like a shot from a typical teen movie, but
it's actually one of the creepiest scenes that I sat through.

Afterschool
IFC Films
October 8, 2008
Drama
DVD
F+

A teen boy likes to watch disturbing Internet videos and he's not even the creepiest person at his school.  Antonio Campos wrote and directed.

After the Wedding (2006)

After the Wedding (2006)
IFC Films
24 February 2006
Drama
DVD
C

Susanne Bier directed and co-wrote the screenplay about a Danish man who reluctantly agrees to go home to get funding for the orphanage he works at in India.  Apparently this was remade this year.

After Dark, My Sweet

After Dark, My Sweet
Avenue Pictures
August 24, 1990
Drama
DVD
D+

An ex-boxer meets a mysterious widow and apparently more exciting stuff than her insulting him happens after the first quarter hour.  This is based on the Jim Thompson novel.  James Foley directed.

The African Queen

Not 100% accurate

The African Queen
United Artists
March 21, 1952
Historical Drama, Romance
DVD
B

This is set in 1914, at the beginning of World War I and during colonialism, and yet, there's a timeless, even occasionally Edenic quality to this unlikely romance.  (Well, not as unlikely as that movie poster.)  Just as Charlie and Rosie have to go through a lot to fall for each other, this is not a love-at-first-sight movie, and this is maybe my fifth time watching it.  It is a "classic," but not a great movie in my opinion.  Not that there's anything wrong with it; it just doesn't that extra something.  Still, on a blog where it's a small achievement for a movie to get a C, this B is a rare gem. 

Bikel plays the First Officer, while Morley is Hepburn's brother.  John Huston directed and co-wrote the screenplay, based on the C.S. Forester novel.

The Affair of the Necklace

The Affair of the Necklace

Warner Bros

December 7, 2001

Historical Drama

DVD
C-

This is sort of based on a true event, but the handling of it makes the story much less interesting than it is to read about, as if director Shyer and screenwriter John Sweet wanted to do a tragic farce or something.  Also, Swank's mega-perm is distracting, like the film is set in the 1930s or '70s.

Æon Flux

Æon Flux
MTV Films, Paramount
December 2, 2005
Sci-Fi
DVD
D


Charlize Theron is near robotic as some kind of spy in the dystopian future, after a worldwide disaster in 2011.  Karyn Kusama directed.

The Adventures of Robin Hood

Hale on the right

The Adventures of Robin Hood
Warner Bros
May 14, 1938
Historical Drama, Action
DVD
C+

Yes, we've got to again go back to Warner Brothers in the '30s for a movie I can sit through, although I didn't think of this as "classic."  To be honest, I find Flynn a little bland, and it's Claude Rains who steals the movie, as Prince John.  The movie is not exactly historically accurate but it works, and I will say that I like how the action scenes are meant to be spectacle, rather than "shocking violence," like in many modern action movies.

Michael Curtiz and William Keighley both directed.

The Adventures of Elmo in Grouchland

The Adventures of Elmo in Grouchland
Columbia
October 1, 1999
Children's, Fantasy
DVD
C-

I actually saw this at the time and I recall it as not too painful.  Almost twenty years later, well, Elmo remains mildly annoying, but it is kind of fun to spot the Sesame Street regulars.  However, I'm just tagging people I expect may turn up in other movies.  Gary Halvorson directed.

Adrift

Adrift
STX Films
June 1, 2018
Drama, Romance
DVD
C-

I'm giving this a "romance" tag, because after the opening of the young woman adrift, it flashes back to her meeting and developing a maybe romantic relationship with a slightly creepy man.  I suppose the rest of the movie is about how she ended up adrift.  This is based on the book Red Sky in Mourning: A True Story of Love, Loss, and Survival at Sea by Tami Oldham Ashcraft and Susea McGearhart.  Baltasar Kormákur directed.

Addicted to Love

Addicted to Love
Warner Bros
May 23, 1997
Romantic Comedy
DVD
D+


I'll admit to having lower standards for romcoms than some genres, but, honestly, it's hard to feel sympathy for a man who gets a "Dear John" letter and then flies to New York in order to stalk his ex and her new lover.  (Well, initially he wants to get her back, but then he finds out about the new guy and decides to stay in the City and stalk them.)  I also have an anti-Meg-Ryan bias, but she isn't in the first quarter-hour, so my grade is not influenced by her in this case.  Still, the music was kind of nice, so D+.

The Adderall Diaries

The Adderall Diaries

A24

March 10, 2016

Drama

DVD
D+

A writer becomes interested in a murder trial, and the only "good father" in the first quarter-hour makes pancakes for his kids, pancakes that look like his genitals.  Pamela Romanowsky directed and  based the script on a book by Stephen Elliott.

Adam (2009)

Adam (2009)
Fox Searchlight
August 28, 2009
Drama, Romance
DVD
D+

A romance between a "normal" woman and a man with social anxieties.  Max Mayer wrote and directed.

Action Jackson

Action Jackson
Lorimar
February 12, 1988
Action
DVD
D-

This is stupid and implausible but not cheesy enough to be fun.  I tagged the two people I recognized in the first quarter hour, although I was mildly curious about Vanity (not enough to stay tuned of course).  Craig R. Baxley directed.

Action in the North Atlantic

Action in the North Atlantic
Warner Bros
June 12, 1943
War Drama
DVD
D+

Merchant Marines during World War II, so already I'm bored, and the sailors talking crap about women doesn't help.  At least there's a cute kitten to bring this up from a D.

Lloyd Bacon also directed 42nd Street, but apparently Byron Haskin and Raoul Walsh contributed without credit.

The Accused

The Accused
Paramount
October 14, 1988
Drama
DVD
C-

I watched only the first quarter-hour of this movie I've avoided since the time, and even seeing some of the Foster character's injuries was almost more than I could take.  The acting seemed good, but knowing that there's a graphic rape scene late in the movie meant that I wouldn't be able to get through the scenes in between.  Jonathan Kaplan directed.

The Accountant

The Accountant
Warner Bros
October 14, 2016
Action
DVD
D+

Affleck plays the title character, who works for international crime figures, while Simmons (giving the more interesting performance of course) is the government official hoping to catch him.  Gavin O'Connor directed.

Accatone

Accattone
Arco Film
31 August 1961
Drama
DVD
C-

While a neorealistic film about a young pimp is not my idea of entertainment, I will admit that the acting and directing seemed good, and I actually gave this twenty minutes rather than the minimum of fifteen, because the first part wasn't as bleak.  This was writer Pier Paolo Pasolini's debut as a director, although he'd written other screenplays.

Abe & Phil's Last Poker Game

Abe & Phil's Last Poker Game

Long Road Film

April 24, 2017

Dramedy
DVD
D

For the first ten minutes or so, this is a depressing drama about an elderly couple who enter a senior facility because of her decline, and then there's some tasteless humor, followed by more drama.  Landau, who died three months after this was released, at age 89, plays the husband.  Howard Weiner wrote and directed.

Jack and the Beanstalk (1952)

Jack and the Beanstalk (1952)
Warner Bros
April 12, 1952
Fantasy, Children's
DVD
C-

This kicks off the A's on this blog, in that it's filed under "Abbott" for Abbott & Costello.  The script by Lou's brother Pat has a framing device that's actually less plausible than what I saw of Jack and the princess.  (I didn't stick around for the beanstalk.)  A young actress, at the urging of her actor boyfriend, hires a babysitter from an employment agency and they send, without much of an interview, "Jack" (played by Lou), who falls asleep while the mentally precocious 8-year-old boy reads a bedtime story to him.  Then we go into unimpressive color for Jack as "Jack."  Note that there's a TV in the living room, but just as furniture; we don't see anyone watch it.

Jean Yarbrough directed.

2001

"Oh thank God I won't have to buy
 a new TV and/or DVD player!"

2001
MGM
April 2, 1968
Sci-Fi, Historical Drama
DVD
D

I've been avoiding this film for years (partly because I know people I respect who love it), but when the first three minutes was literally nothing-- interrupted briefly by the MGM logo so I was reassured that my TV didn't suddenly break-- that did not bode well.  I'm putting "historical drama," since I didn't make it out of the technically prehistoric "Dawn of Man" sequence.  I would've gone with an F+ or D- but I will admit that some of the landscape shots are good.  Kubrick directed and wrote the screenplay based on the Arthur C. Clarke short story "The Sentinel."

(500) Days of Summer

(500) Days of Summer
Fox Searchlight
August 7, 2009
Romantic Comedy
DVD
C

At one point in the first quarter-hour, the female love interest (named Summer, hence the title) tells the protagonist that he's "perfectly adequate" at his job at their mutual workplace.  And I guess I'd say the same of this movie.  It's far from the worst romcom I've ever seen (Serendipity still stands out in my mind after almost 18 years), but I didn't really care about the main couple or his friends.  The story is told out of order, a gimmick that neither intrigued nor annoyed me.  Still, it was nice to see Moretz as the kid sister, since I liked her in the first Wimpy Kid movie.

Marc Webb directed.  Note that this is fifteen years after Gordon-Levitt played a kid in Road Killers, and he would not have been my prediction for the first repeat performer on this blog.

300

300
Warner Bros
March 9, 2007
Action, Historical Drama
DVD
D-

Well, I didn't outright hate this.  I mean, of course I didn't like it, but at least now I get the "THIS IS SPARTA!!!" references people like to make, and the color palate was sort of interesting.  I had to ignore everything I know about Spartans, like that they weren't exactly homophobic, but I assumed that this story is more meant to be a legend than documentary-like realism.

48 Hours

Relatively un-sexist and nonviolent, perhaps not racist

48 Hours
Paramount
December 8, 1982
Action
DVD
D-

First of all, since I watched only the first quarter-hour, I can't really judge this as a comedy or an Eddie Murphy debut.  I will say that what I saw was racism, sexism, and violence, and the only thing marginally entertaining was the glimpse of the Space Kid (1966) cartoon.  I didn't care about the criminals or the cops, although it's always nice to see San Francisco on film, but I'd rather watch The Streets of San Francisco, and that's not saying much.  Walter Hill directed and co-wrote.

42nd Street

42nd Street
Warner Bros
March 11, 1933
Musical
DVD
B-

Cast I recognize:

• Louise Beavers as Pansy, Dorothy's Maid
• Ruby Keeler as Peggy Sawyer
• The never-aging Charles Lane (seriously, this guy looked much the same in the '70s) as the Author of Pretty Lady
• Una Merkel as Lorraine Fleming
• Dick Powell as Billy Lawler
• The marvelous Ginger Rogers as Ann "Anytime" Lowell
• Lyle Talbot as Geoffrey Warning

Yes, finally we've got to a movie from the library that I could sit all the way through, and it figures it's definitely the oldest one yet.  It's not only '30s, it's pre-Code, which means lots of revealing costumes and racy dialogue and lyrics, including from the saucy pair of Rogers and Merkel.  There's even a song comparing love to drug addiction! It also mentions The Great Depression more than once, while some of its contemporaries are set in a fantasy world where money is never discussed.  In some ways, this feels like the most "modern" movie I've looked at so far for this blog, but it also has corny melodrama and cliches that it may've invented, or at least popularized, but are still cliches.  (It's based on a 1932 Bradford Ropes novel.)  I know this film is regarded as a classic, but I could've actually done with less backstage stuff and more of the show within a show.

Lloyd Bacon directed but choreographer Busby Berkeley is deservedly the household name.

Infinite Justice

Infinite Justice

Symbolic chess scene

Dehlavi Films

30 November 2007

Drama

DVD
D

I couldn't decide how exploitative the use of 9/11 footage is in this story, told mostly in flashbacks, about an American reporter captured by Muslim fundamentalists, but it's not like it's a good movie anyway.  Jamil Dehlavi, who's Pakistani, wrote, directed, and produced.  President Bush appears in clips.

American Gun

American Gun
Miramax
June 13, 2002
Drama
DVD
C-

The first quarter hour of this plays mostly as a family drama, although it looks like the protagonist's (James Coburn) daughter (Virginia Madsen) later gets shot.  Barbara Bain plays her mother.  And the Vermont scenery is nice of course.  Alan Jacobs wrote and directed.

Airborne (1998)

Land?  It doesn't even get off the ground.

Airborne (1998)*
Le Monde Entertainment
23 July 1998
Action
DVD
D-

This was so boring, even for an action movie, that I started planning my shopping list, and that was right after having come back from the grocery store!  Something about a special ops team, led by Steve Guttenberg, bla bla bla.  Julian Grant directed and co-wrote.


*The top Google hit for "airborne movie" is a '93 comedy about rollerblading, so I figured I should specify.

The Pandora Project

The Pandora Project

CineTel Films

4 June 1998*

Action

DVD
D-

John Terlesky and Jim Wynorski co-directed and co-wrote, failing to get the performers to convincingly deliver the bad lines they penned.  The waving-flag effect during the opening credits very obviously loops, like a mediocre '90s screensaver.  I might've gone with a D if I could've spotted Robert "Epstein" Hegyes in this mess.

*The Greek video premiere, while the U.S. didn't get it until the following February.